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Marc Miller's VBlog

May 14th:

OH. NO. YOU. DIDN'T.
 
Stephen Colbert, you can mock our nickname, our state bird and our state dog...BUT KEEP OUR BARBECUE OUTCHA MOUTH!
 
(the whole thing's worth watching, but the "North Carolina Offensive" officially launches at the 1:55 mark)

 

The Colbert Report
Get More: Colbert Report Full Episodes,Indecision Political Humor,Video Archive

 

 

May 13th:

THE MOTHER OF ALL MOTHER'S DAYS

Rarely do I get to surprise my wife.  She HATES surprises, plus I've never been that good at keeping things secret.  I'm also not the greatest listener, so when gift-giving time comes I blank on what she's been talking about recently, things that she needs/wants, etc.  But all that changed this weekend.

All of it, even down to the listening.  Last month Susan was complaining that she didn't have a cookie jar...my wife LOVES to bake all kinds of cookies, but usually ends up putting them in Christmas or other holiday-themed cookie tins.  When she complained about her lack of a cookie jar, I WAS ACTUALLY PAYING ATTENTION!  I knew what I had to do, and where I had to go:
 
 
Last Monday while she was working I took the kids to Accidental Artist in Greenville, and they got to work on creating their own personal cookie jar!  It was our first time at Accidental Artist...and it was AWESOME!!!!  Special thanks to Mackenzie for taking my idea (which essentially was "me. want. cookie jar.") and turning it into something a little more creative, lol.
 
 
Mackenzie was incredible with the kids, patient and encouraging; she used the kids' hand-prints and footprints to create different kinds of cookies on the outside of the jar.  James was so excited and it was all he could talk about for the rest of the night!
 
(by the way, I took all these pics of the kids making the jar and made them into a photo album, which I think she liked as much as the jar itself!)
 
As far as yesterday was concerned...the surprise went off without a hitch!
 
 
 
Thank you Mackenzie!  Thank you Accidental Artist!  And most importantly, THANK YOU ME, for listening
 
in the first place!
 
 

 

May 10th:

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY WEEKEND! (Pssst!  She's right behind you...)

These are phenomenally amazing.  Some of the most awkward Mother's Day Photos of all time, all pre-planned and thought out.  People literally came up with these poses and outfits and thought "WOW.  What a great idea, WE HAVE TO DO THAT!"  Some of the highlights include "Mom Hiding In Bushes" above, as well as:

MOM FLASHING FAMILY:

FLOATING SECOND-HEAD MOM:

and, MOM WHO LOOKS LIKE SHE HASN'T BLINKED IN 25 YEARS:

 

Check out more HERE!

 

 

 

May 8th:

Ugh. I HATE these things.

 

Every 17 years, those big, nasty cicada bugs - who’ve been hangin’ out underground - emerge by the BILLIONS, start humming and mating all over the place, and then just as quickly, disappear.  It’s like Woodstock all over again, disgusting-bug style.
 
Now I know they’re not dangerous to humans…they’re just so enormous, and they fly so fast and with reckless abandon - one time while playing basketball (probably 17 years ago, come to think of it) one bounced off my tongue!  I used to stick my tongue out like Michael Jordan…imagine if I didn't do that, it would've flown right in my mouth!!!!  
 
 
And now we're gonna be OVERRUN with them?  Oh flippin' joy.  
 
The only way to escape them?  The more I think about it, there’s only one place they won’t be:  UNDERGROUND!  If they're all emerging from the ground, the ground's where we all need to go!
 
I’ll go grab the shovel…who’s comin’ with me?!?!
 
 

May 7th:

Amanda Berry, Gina DeJesus and Michelle Knight are free for the first time in more than 10 years today after Berry escaped from the Cleveland residence that had been holding them to call 911.

What a truly unbelievable story...not just when you imagine what it must've been like for those poor girls to be held against their will for so long, but that after a decade, there's actually a HAPPY ENDING! 

Two of the women went missing 10 years ago, and the third disappeared in 2000.  The families had feared the worst after countless hours of searching hadn’t revealed anything.  But a neighbor rushed over when he heard screams coming from the house - that neighbor's name is Charles Ramsey, and while I am humbled, shocked, saddened and overjoyed at this story all at the same time...I can't help but smile and CRACK UP at his interview.  The hero recounts the rescue in (most definitely) his own words:

 

So glad the girls are ok...THANK YOU CHARLES RAMSEY FOR RESCUING THEM AND FOR BEING YOU!

 

April 29th:

SMACK-TALKING ON THE PITCH!

What a weekend!  James (#2 in purple, #1 in our hearts) played his first soccer game Saturday morning, scored his first goal, and even got an assist when he could've scored but instead decided to share with a teammate!  WE ARE SO PROUD!

 

 

But the real action happened before the game got underway...as the kids were getting in position and the other team was taking their places, the kid on the other team that was standing across from James looked at him and said:

"We're gonna DESTROY you!"

Seriously dude?  You're 3 years old...did you just say that?!?!?!

 

And I love the way James handled it:  he looked at the boy, smiled, looked back at me, smiled...and a few minutes later scored on the kid!  Way to let your play on the field do all the talking!

 

Look, I'm not "that dad" at the 2-4 year old soccer game going "YEAAAAAAH!  IN YOUR FACE KID!" to another grown man's child.  And don't worry, I wasn't...but in that moment I really wanted to be.

 

April 26th:

I give you the greatest idea in the history of food:  milk that tastes like the milk from the bottom of a bowl of cereal!   Finally, the long-awaited simple product that all of America needs...and it was right under our noses all along!  
 
click the pic for more
 
Nothing was better at the end of a big bowl of Froot Loops than gulping down the illegitimate sugary lovechild of the cereal and milk...but now, you don't even need the cereal or the bowl!  It's pre-sweetened, available in both fruity and chocolate flavors (WHERE IS CINNAMON TOAST CRUNCH FLAVOR, JUST SAYIN').  
 
The only thing it's missing is the saliva you inadvertently back-washed into your bowl...so I'd say that's a win!  Check out the scientific way that the milk was created below: 

 

 

April 25th:

Why do I suddenly have a GREAT idea for April Fools Day 2014?

 

April 24th:

LOVE THIS.  

Jimmy Kimmel's crew decided to stop by the Coachella Music Festival and talk to concertgoers about some of the bands they were excited to see.  The twist?  Every band name was a fake!  

Obviously nobody wants to be out of the loop, but be careful; because sometimes trying to not look stupid can look pretty darn stupid!

 

April 23rd:

Nothing says Happy Tuesday quite like "Vacuum Cat!"  Never before have I seen a video that both

sucks and doesn't suck.

 

April 22nd:

SHE WAS THERE.

This is Dionne Evans, a Greenville native who ran her first Boston Marathon last Monday.  She crossed the finish line four minutes before the first bomb went off.  Click the play buttons below to hear her recount the details of that harrowing experience.  

Part 1:

Part 2:

 

April 20th:

Watch as eight-year-old cancer patient Noah Roberts rushed for a touchdown on the final play of ECU's spring football game.  GO NOAH!  And go Pirates for organizing something so wonderful! 

 

 

 

April 15th:

I'm not sayin' he's the next Pele...but he's the next Pele.  Click the pic below for a few more shots of James' first soccer practice!

 

April 11th:

Brandon Krivohlavy has a very special brother who is currently serving as an airman in the US Air Force. Sadly, he was deployed during Brandon’s wedding..but at least he was able to leave the couple a heartwarming video message that was played at the ceremony: 

 

 

 

Not a dry eye in the house...or up in the air!

 

April 10th:

This.  Is.  AWESOME.
 
Meet Joe Bartholomew, Sean Russell and Adam Rhodes, three physician assistant students at ECU who make up "BOY BANDemia."  The boys have been around since 2012, when they paid homage to the Backstreet Boys in this anti-smoking anthem:
 
 
For their latest smash-hit, BOY BANDemia used Flo Rida's 2008 song, "Get Low," to show you what to do if someone goes into cardiac arrest:
 
 
Granted, I don't understand half the words in this video...but it's still awesome!  The group submitted the Flo Rida cover for an award called the Medical Emmys, or "Memmys."  Yup, that's actually a thing.  The winner of the Memmys gets $2500 donated to their library.
 
Rumor has it that these guys have a new track dropping soon about sports injuries called "Ice Ice Daily."  Any idea what song they're using for that?!?

 

April 9th:

DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?

Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher passed away yesterday, and while she was admired by many she was derided in almost equal measure.  One Thatcher-hater website called "Is Thatcher Dead Yet" immediately created the hashtag #nowthatchersdead.
This gained some traction in Twitterworld, but for the wrong reason.  
 
Read that hashtag again…do you see how THIS could’ve happened?
 
 
Grief glittered the Twitterscape.
 
Here’s another one:  @sexyghosts offered: "RIP CHER. Just saw the hashtag. Never was a fan myself but you've gotta respect her influence."
 
Ricky Gervais picked up on the goof:
 
 
The Good news:  Cher is alive and well, lol!
 

April 3rd:

In a year of FIRSTS, it was Akeem Richmond in the LAST possible second - for the CHAMPIONSHIP!!!   Amazing ending to an amazing game, capping off an amazing season.  

Celebrate Pirates, YOU ARE CHAMPIONS!!!

 

 

 

March 26th:

IS CRACK OUT OF WHACK?

 

You ever notice that guys wearing regular cut jeans seem so much more prone to showing butt-crack when they're sitting, bending over…fixing my toilet...compared to women wearing those super low cut jeans, who don't show crack? (And most of them aren't wearing tucked-in shirts, either!)

We were out this weekend, a man happened to drop something and reach over to pick it up…and his crack was crazy.  And it got me to thinking, how is it that you usually see butt-cracks on dudes, but women somehow keep it together even when their fashions seem to reveal more?

I would like to theorize that men…have LONGER butt-cracks.  I turned to Google on this one, and found nothing written on the subject - click here for what the search revealed, but be careful, it can get a tad raunchy - so I'd like this to be the first-of-it's-kind, official "Theory of Butt-Crack Relativity:"  

 

Men have relatively longer butt-cracks than women.

 

 

March 25th:

Ashley Buffa, a student at Havelock High School, created this touching song to the late Amanda Lawrence-Lane, her math teacher who suffered a medical emergency Friday morning at school and later died.  

"I was a witness to her death, and it was heartbreaking and traumatizing. I had a lot of emotions that I didn't know how to process, and I needed to express them some how. I went home and I wrote this song. It really helped me to come to terms with everything. I hope that this song can help other people too with the deaths of loved ones," Buffa says about the song.  Check out her beautiful tribute below.  

 

 

March 21st:

I’ve said it many times on the air: March is my favorite month, and NCAA tournament time is “the most wonderful time of the year” (cue Andy Williams).  And it might sound a little crazy, but I always thought it would be fun for my kids to pick their own brackets every year - starting with the first year they’re alive!  I hope it turns into a fun “father-sons” tradition, and so far it looks like they’re enjoying themselves!

Sure, I’m not going to ask a 6-week old whether he thinks Gonzaga will be hampered by their strength of schedule, or theorize with a toddler about UNC’s RPI…so I had to come up with other ways to help them fill out a bracket:

James – James picked his favorite mascots.  He liked it when I said “Fighting Irish” and “Golden Gophers,” and unfortunately didn’t care much for Panthers.  Fortunately he liked Hoosiers, but unfortunately, only slightly more than Aggies (#13 seed New Mexico st loses in the finals)…Here are his complete picks:

Wesley was a little trickier:  I had James pick his first brackets at 8 weeks old, when I assigned a team to each of my hands and whichever one he touched first was his pick (he was into fist-bumping back then…hey, we lived in Jersey!).  Wesley’s only 6 weeks old, and hasn't been fist-bumping as of late…so I extended my arms over his left and right sides, assigned a team to each one, and waited for him to touch or kick one of them (see the pic below):

Sometimes it took a while, so we had to poke or tickle him to get things going…Wesley DID pick the Pitt Panthers, so…he stays in the will.  Here are his picks:

Whadaya think:  will your brackets finish ahead of James and Wesley?

YOU STILL HAVE A FEW HOURS LEFT, PRINT OUT A BRACKET HERE AND TRY IT WITH YOUR KIDS!  

********For both boys, I flipped a coin before each pick; for James, “heads” meant the HIGHER SEED would be the first mascot I mention…for Wesley, “heads” meant the HIGHER SEED would be represented by my left arm.  If the coin landed on “tails,” you’d replace HIGHER SEED in that last sentence with LOWER SEED.  I did this because when I first tried it, James seemed to always pick the second thing I said, no matter what…and Wesley was only kicking his right leg for a while.  This prevented a bracket of all favorites or all underdogs for both boys.

 

March 20th:

"PARENTING ISN'T A FULL-TIME JOB."

There.  Now that I've got your attention...

A new study found that the average parent spends 28 hours and nine minutes per week taking care of their family...those are PART-TIME hours, not full-time.

That breaks down to about 8 1/2 hours entertaining the kids, almost 5 hours cooking, 3 1/2 hours doing chores, and less than two hours each on the following things: Making beds, washing up, driving kids to school/activities, helping with homework, running errands, and taking care of pets.

I'm sure you're getting more and more upset as you read this...and you're not alone!  92% of the parents surveyed said that having kids is absolutely a full-time job.  A wonderful one at that, but DEFINITELY a full-time job.  

If you still need convincing that this study is ridiculous, check out this video:

 

March 13th:

Best. Test. Drive. EVER!!!!

 

 

March 12th:

In the debate of "over" vs. "under," are there any clean winners?  Hopefully ALL OF YOU, considering you're actually

USING the stuff!

Personally, I'm an "over" guy, and I think you're kinda weird if you do it the other way.  My parents are "unders," and I never knew why until I confronted them about it this morning:

 

I wonder where along the way I broke free from the ingrained practice of "undering" that I was raised on:  was it a form of rebellion to become an "over" as soon as I went off to college?  I'm not sure, but that sounds like a cool story so let's go with it.

 

Bottom line (heh heh, I said "bottom"), it takes more effort to reach for the toilet paper under and behind the roll, whereas when it comes off the top it's right there for you; you don't have to go rooting around for it.  Why would anyone do it any other way?  Perhaps this handy diagram can help explain it:

 

 

So are you an "over," or an "under?"

 

 

 

March 9th:

Beaufort's Big Shave to Benefit St. Baldrick's Foundation - what a day.

Click the pic above to find out more about the kid to my immediate left, whose name is Scott (his dad is holding him in this pic).  Although I only had a chance to see Scott for a few minutes (he came in as I was leaving), here's what I can tell you about him and his parents:  Scott, a 3-year old who's been battling Leukemia for a year and a half, was in the hospital Friday night with a high fever.  In Cary, NC.  If he didn't show up EVERYBODY would've understood, and kept him in their prayers.  But not only did the family show up, but the entire room seemed to light up  when they did, and Scott was running around like nothing had been wrong just a few hours ago, super-excited to get his head shaved.  

Scott and his family were an inspiration to all who met them today, in a room full of inspiring people; from cancer survivors, to the loved ones who enjoyed every minute of losing every hair on their heads to support the ones they loved.

I was thrilled and honored to be among them all, and to be part of such a wonderful event!  Click here for more pics from a fantastic day.

March 7th:

BREAKING NEWS ABOUT BRUNO MARS' FINGER - AND IT'S NOT EVEN BROKEN!

At first glance, when I saw this pic I thought Bruno was giving me the finger - as we used to say back home, "giving the ol' Jersey Salute!"  Upon further review, it merely seems as if his middle finger is WAAAAAY longer than his index finger.  Yeah, sure, we all have longer middle fingers than index fingers, but Bruno's is so pronounced that it first looked like he was flipping the cameraman the bird!

What does it mean to have a HUGE middle finger?  Well, according to Indian palm readers:

"If the middle finger is too long, the individual concerned will exhibit a morbid disposition (especially if the said finger is also flat).

"If the middle finger is much longer than index finger. . . Timidity. The individual is reticient in everything they do."

"When the middle finger is prominent, standing out from the rest, it shows a serious and intense nature."

So I guess Bruno Mars is Intense yet timid, serious and morbid!  Sounds like a winner ladies!

 

March 5th:

Last week Wesley had a cold – the whole family had a cold and Wesley ended up kinda congested throughout the whole thing.  Poor guy, he pretty much looked stunned like this the whole time and snorted whenever he breathed in. 

I was talking to Colleen about it, and about how he was SO congested, it didn’t really help even when we used the “nose-sucker” thingy on him.  You know what I’m talking about, that suction-nozzle thing you squeeze, stick up a baby’s nose and stop squeezing, so the suction pulls out all the boogers…one of these:

Well, Colleen just about fainted when I mentioned the nose-sucker!  She told me she couldn’t ever bring herself to do it with her son Dakota, and instead had her husband do it all the time.  Fast-forward to Friday, and I was talking to Tracy in the traffic dept about our family cold, I mentioned the nose-sucker and she had the SAME REACTION!!!

Do all women cringe at the nose-sucker?  Hey, put things into perspective, it could be worse - click the ridiculously disgusting pic below to see just how worse!

 

March 1st:

JEWEL IS CEWEL!

Singer/Songwriter/Famous Alaskan Jewel checked in this morning, check out the interview here:

I knew she could sing, but I had NO idea she had some comic chops!  Check out these Funny Or Die videos, she's hilarious in both of them!

 

 

February 28th:

Check out this story on Mitchell Marcus, the team manager for his Texas high school's basketball team who also has a developmental disability.  The team's coach surprises all when he gives Mitchell the chance to suit up for the game, and puts him in at the end...unfortunately, each chance he has to score, and to make an incredible memory, he misses.  But you'll never guess what happens next - have some tissues handy too!

 

 


What a cool website – it uses surveys to determine everything you ever wanted – or didn’t want – to know about the stereotypical fan of your favorite artist!  For instance, did you know that Katy Perry fans are the LEAST likely to kiss on the first date?  Lol, click Katy smooching below to look up your favorite artist!

February 27th:

MORE DANCING!

Season 16 of Dancing With The Stars kicks off March 18th, and they just released the new cast-members, which range from Andy Dick to Wynonna Judd to Kellie Pickler.  And this NFL guy.  And this chick from Real Housewives of...somewhere.  Yawn.  I'm sorry, but after 16 years I think "Dancing" could stand to re-invent itself a bit.  Consider these ever-so-slight changes:
 
"Dancing With The SARS:"
 
Celebrities are paired with people who have highly communicable viruses.  Wouldn't it be great to see Kellie Pickler awkwardly try and Salsa while holding her breath and stopping mid-routine to jump into a vat of Purell?
 
 
"Pantsing With The Stars:"
OK, THIS might just be the best idea I've ever had.  It has NOTHING to do with dancing though; celebrities go out in public and "pants" random people they see on the street.  Imagine being "pantsed," turning around, and seeing Alec Baldwin smiling at you?  I think you'd be ok with it!
 
 
 

February 26th:

Technology is a beautiful thing:  it has advanced our abilities to communicate, explore...and get kids to eat vegetables!
Ask him to wail on his drum kit - no prob!  Ask him to eat his veggies...not so much.
 
We were at a restaurant a few days ago when James (above, rockin' out on his drums) said the following, which will now be known as "exhibit A:" 
 
 
Maybe he saw some veggies on a plate that was being delivered to a neighboring table.  Regardless, when he started talking about his affinity for veggies I whipped out my iPhone, turned on the voice memo app and created viable blackmailing material!
 
here's what we know:  James' teachers at school say that he ALWAYS eats his veggies - he even asks for a second helping sometimes.  At home...he NEVER eats them.  He makes it a point to keep his distance as if they were being recalled for having shards of glass in them.
 
But it's not like he doesn't eat vegetables, it's just that he doesn't eat them at home, for us.  But you heard him, he SAYS he does!  That's called opportunity, people - BLACKMAIL OPPORTUNITY!!!
 
Next time he doesn't want to eat his veggies, I'll stay calm, whip out my phone and say "really?  Why don't we just go to the tape..."
 
 

February 25th:

Sure you saw the Oscars last night, but did you ever see the Best Picture nominees reenacted by adorable little kids?  

February 22nd:

 

Oscar weekend is upon us!  And in case you don't remember every single Best Picture winner in the history of ever, here's a quick and awesome refresher: 

 

 

February 21st:

BEAUFORT FIRE'S "BIG SHAVE" SUPPORTING THE ST. BALDRICK’S FOUNDATION!

(or:  If a man shaves his head...but there's barely anything to shave...does it make a sound?  YES!)

Click on my balding dome to find out why it's soon becoming a COMPLETELY bald dome, and how you can help out!

*DIRECT LINK TO DONATE HERE

And for even MORE info, click the play button below to check out my interview with Richard Evans of the Beaufort Fire Department:

February 19th:

And The Grammy Will One Day Go To...

Thank goodness for technology - anybody can become a star!  Last June I brought you James' first hit song, courtesy of the "Songify" app on my iphone - it records your voice, auto-tunes it and puts you in a song!  I hit record, walked up to James - who was playing with two of his toy trucks at the time - and asked him "Whatcha got there James?"  And the rest, as they say, is music history.  Behold, "Two Twucks:"

And this past weekend I got Wesley into the act - here he is, at 3 weeks old, with HIS first hit single!  Sure, he doesn't know any words yet...but he certainly knows how to hiccup.  I give you:  "Two 'ccups:"

I'm sure they'll get to work on their Grammy acceptance speeches as soon as A) Wesley can talk and B) Jake And The Neverland Pirates is over.

 

February 15th:

Did you know it's illegal to curse in New Bern!  What the f&@% is up with that?!?!  This guy found out the hard way, click the pic for his story and a hilarious video!

February 14th: 

Have a slow and slutty Valentine's Day everyone!

 

 

 

 

February 13th:

Matt Damon's no longer going to the bathroom?!?!?!  It's a STRIKE for a great cause lol, check out why below!

 

 

February 11th:  GRAMMY'S!!!!

Ok, full disclosure; the Grammy's are my FAVORITE awards show, BY FAR…but I’m sick, and you combine that with the fact that we have a new baby in the house so you GOTTA take sleep when you can get it…and I went to bed early and missed most of the show.  HOWEVER, I told some of my buddies to let me know the big stuff that happened last night, so I could talk about it this morning.  So in no particular order, here’s what they had to say:

#1 – Katy Perry’s Cleavage stole the show.

          I think the guy who wrote that was talking about boobs…but how great would it be if that were an actual band name?!?!  The band “Katy Perry’s Cleavage” could’ve stolen the show at the Grammy's last night...think of the possibilities: “appearing tonight at Hooligan’s Music Hall, Katy Perry’s Cleavage” – you CAN’T go wrong!!!!

Upon further review...yeah, he was talking about boobs.  Click the pic to play the video.

Other observations from my buddies: half way through the show most of the lights went out in the place…not sure if THAT’S true…and the lead guitarist from Fun. looks exactly like my old college roommate Wolfster circa 1999 (if he had a mohawk).  Ok, my friends weren’t much of a help.  But you can get the full list of winners here, by clicking on ANOTHER shot of Katy Perry's Cleavage!!

(Please don't ask for my opinions regarding the red-carpet fashions, I'll probably just mention Katy Perry's boobs again.)


February 1st thru the 7th:  WESLEY!!!!!!!

Wesley Charles Miller
8 pounds, 11ounces
19.5 inches
Born 11:10am on Friday, Feb 1st

Check out a few pics, going back through the past few days!

My favorite pics so far..."Surprised Wesley," and "Angry Wesley!"  I took these two pictures within SECONDS of each other!!

Home From The Hospital:

So proud of James - he's been an AMAZING big brother!  Check out the picture he made for Wesley:

1st Pitt basketball game with daddy (a big upset over Syracuse - he's a good luck charm!):

Day 1:


 

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